10 things that MAY happen when suffering a tragedy
1. People will start to avoid you. You appear to be contagious and people try to not catch the disease of tragedy. You may feel secluded.
2. The people who do not avoid you, will without a doubt say the stupidest things. "It was meant to be." "Everything happens for a reason." "They are in a better place now." Really? are these really helpful when someone is grieving? How about, "oh you can always marry again" or " Your young you can try again" "God has another angel." I will write a book to the other people who are friends, co-workers or neighbors of a person who is grieving. A guide for how to react in tragedy.
3. People will talk about the most insensitive topics. When getting a divorce...., "Oh thats not so bad, my brothers, friends, cousins, uncle, who works at 31 flavors is getting a divorce and they have it really bad, its word that HE stole ALL the money" OR "I am so sorry you have cancer, you know I have an aunt who just died of cancer!" REALLY??? where is the hope there? OR "you lost a child? I know exactly how you feel, my grandmother just died." These are just not helpful when trying to be positive.
4. You may lose friends. People may not be supportive or patient with your "one day at a time" motto. You will learn that the people who were left behind, are not meant to be in your life.
5. You may join a support group of peers who know and understand how you feel. This support group will re-energize you and make you feel like you are indeed NOT losing your mind.
6. In this support group, you will start to befriend people who share similar stories and can relate to you. You feel like you do not have a disease and if you do have a disease, you feel like you can manage it much better with support.
7. You will begin to understand the people who you have decided to include themselves on this journey. You will realize, these people were given to you and they are nothing short of a blessing.
8. You will realize the clouds begin to clear and you may be half way out of the storm.
9. You can smile and joke around. I remember one time I was at a party and the dreadful topic of pregnancy came up. All unicorns and happy thoughts and then they asked me, " what's your story, how many kids do you have, was the pregnancy ok? did you have morning sickness?" I replied, "well my pregnancies were horrible, it took me several years to have my first child, my second has a blood disease and my third died." <PAUSE> the look on everyones place was hysterical. I hate to be insensitive however, I will never ask someone how many kids do you have? I know too many people that would of been fantastic parents and suffer from infertility. I know too many people who lost their first child, and guess what, in my eyes, they are parents, however to the public eye they do not see their baby and have absolutely no idea that they truly are parents. I know too many people that lost their baby and having living children at home. Those people get crucified because "at least they have children at home," however how do you answer how many? So you see, sometimes when I feel like being mischievious, I throw out the sucker punch. Not because I am insensitive, but because, you should never ask how many and assume they do.
10. YOU WILL GAIN FAMILY! Your support group will in turn end up to be an extended family of friends that will always be there for you. Your journey will be forever and so much better with your family to support you through it every step of the way.
1. Take part in physical activity. Go for a walk and re-energize your soul. Exercise is key to balancing your life.
2. Establish boundaries. Leave work at work and learn to say NO! Sometimes we are willing to help everyone else and we are fading away. Learning that it is OK to put our needs in front of others is a part of a guilt free, balanced life.
3. Remember to put down the computer, phone or remote control and make eye contact with your significant other. Having special time and respect for each other will help you re-connect or stay connected. Your balanced life will be full of joy when we all feel important to one another.
4. Drink plenty of water. Drinking 1/2 of your body weight in ozs. per day will increase energy and flush out toxins. A body full of toxins has a hard time balancing. Drink water to keep the balance.
5. Choose a skill or talent and excel at it. A healthy self-esteem is necessary if you want to keep your life in sync. You will feel good when you cultivate something that you are really great at.
My daughter is honored on 3 Angel of Hope monuments, Washington State, Florida and in New Jersey. This is proof that these group of men and women that I so honorably call family can change the world, even if it is honoring one baby at a time. Feeling very blessed.
I have been meaning to write about this scenario. We lost Maddy in 2009. Phoebe was born in 2012. There is no way the two sisters have EVER met, unless you believe the big ole' playground in the sky has many spirits and angels that interact. How do you feel about the after life? Here is what happened..... One of my dearest friends came over with a gift for Phoebe. There was 2 porcelain dolls that were absolutely beautiful. They both had linen and lace dresses, with a beautiful bonnet. There was a sense about these dolls. Colleen's mother, who bought the dolls, passed them up a few times before taking the plunge to buy them. They were resting in a second hand shop. When Mrs. C saw the beauties, she knew she wanted them but didn't know right away who to buy them for. Once Phoebe had the dolls in her possession, she immediately decided to name them Maddy and Phoebe. She proceeded to tell me that they are sisters that play together. Phoebe has been putting the babies to sleep, taking them for a stroll, and talking to them everyday. She started talking to Maddy's photos on the wall, even more intently. I found Phoebe dancing and singing while she plays, talks and laughs all by herself. If Phoebe notices anyone looking at her during this time, she immediately gets offended. She will scream, NOOOOO and make us leave her alone. I can't help but wonder, what if? The past few weeks, I have been feeling more connected to Maddy for some reason. I am not sure why she died, but she did and now this is the relationship that we have. I am so memorized that Phoebe acts like Maddy is here, in the flesh. I am so glad we found a way to incorporate my first daughter, in our daily lives and I am even more honored that my children feel her.
Be positive. Look on the “can do” side of things rather than the “can’t do”. You’ve accomplished lots in your life and you will accomplish lots more in the future.
Be in charge of your thoughts at all times.
What is a thought? It’s just a question that you’ve asked yourself and the thought is you’re answer. If you’re thinking negative thoughts, you’re probably asking a negative question. Change the questions to be more positive.
Whenever you feel a negative thought coming, STOP, THINK, and say is this really important in the grand scheme of things?
Do you let the words of others affect you? Do you mind what they think of you? Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. It’s not what they say to you that’s the problem it’s what you say to yourself after they have stopped talking that’s the problem.
What is the worst roller coaster ride in your life?
Divorce? a diagnosis? death of a loved one? loss of a job or security?
Whatever troubles you, you MUST embrace the ride.
Step 1- get on ride, when you are forced to face your fears, it is best to just get on with it. Go through the motions.
Step 2- safety belt. Make sure your ride is safe, Don't seek out a blindfold or anything that can make the ride easier to handle. In order to get to the end of the journey you must start at the beginning.
Step 3- when the coaster is climbing up the hill, dig your feet in to the ground, usually anticipation is far worse then the actual drop.
Step 4- Enjoy the easy parts. Let yourself smile, and feel the wind blowing in your hair. Give yourself credit for coming this far.
Step 5- When the coaster is full of twist and turns and sometimes knocking you around, just hold on. Each day you are on this coaster, the more strong you become. Remember these times, embrace them.
The Final Step- When you get off the ride, you realize it wasn't that bad. But the truth is, its devastating. It is a horrible ride, one you would never have your worse enemy go on. You now realize, the ride sucks and will never change, but we change and we get more tolerant to these quick twists and upside down feelings....
Are you holding onto something / someone from your past?
What good is it to hold on? Even in the movie the Titanic, Grace let Jack go, after saying," I will never let you go."
So what does it all mean?
For me... we always hold onto loved ones that have passed. I believe that death is not a goodbye its a see you later. Heaven is not that far away, and until you can understand the capabilities of our loved ones who have crossed over, will you then begin to understand you can still have a relationship on a spiritual level. I kind of look at it this way... I live in NJ and I have family in Florida, Washington, New York and in Heaven....
I will never let my daughter go in my heart, however I have let go and let her guide me to understand what my life was meant to be...
Here are 5 gifts you can give yourself to refresh your soul
1) Send a letter to yourself. I mean it.... actually write a letter about what accomplishments make you the most proud. Also add in the letter about what 3 goals you want to accomplish this year. Think about your game plan and how to get these goals into action. Then self address stamp the envelope and give to a friend. Let them decide when to mail it. When you get your mail, it is a simple reminder of how awesome you really are.
2) Drink water. You should be drinking 1/2 your body weight in oz a day. This helps with flushing out toxins and you feel better about yourself. Your skin will glow.
3) Go for a walk. A walk could be refreshing. I always walk by the ocean. It is a place of reflection. As the waves come into the shore, I breath in, and breathe out as the water goes back to sea. I often think of my dreams, goals and desires during this time. I feel more open to change, to better myself and to organize my thoughts.
4) Get together with an old friend. Everyone is so busy that it is so hard to take time for each other. Today is the day to make time. Tell your loved ones you love them. Hug them and chat about the past and present. Hold onto the laughter. It can be super refreshing to remember old times as well as cherishing the new.
5) Have a bon fire with your besties. Each one can write the things they want to change about themselves or that they want to get off their chest. Write it on a piece of paper and set it on fire. All the burdens on our shoulder will get lighter and lighter with each note.
Reflections of HOPE.... What is it to you? 3 Steps to finding your reflection of hope.
I was walking around a lake and peeked into the water hoping to find fish or a frog or something to show the kids. When I bent over I saw a woman that I am not familiar with. She had her hair back in a pony tail, her skin was weathered. She looked desperate. Desperate to find some meaning to where her life is now. That woman was me. It has been a loonnngggg journey. Learning to live with the "new me" has its challenges and its rewards.
Five years ago, our life was shattered. ALL of our hopes and dreams were all just emptied at the blink of an eye. Whatever your challenge.... divorce, a loss, addiction, a diagnosis.... all of us lived a certain way, then at the blink of an eye our life is changed. FOREVER. I will always be known for Madelynn's mother, you would always be know for Mrs. so and so, or the alcoholic, drug addict, or the person who has a horrible disease.
It is OUR CHOICE, to live in the negative, the poor me I am always a victim lifestyle or you can just get to know the new you and learn to like and appreciate yourself.
Step one: acknowledge your moment.
Whatever the case....
If you are getting divorced... Remember that there was that one day a long time ago that you loved that man/or woman. If you have children, remember your child would not be who he or she is without the two of you. Your spouse may be not the same person you married and you may have grown apart. But always remember to embrace the time you had together because YOU would not be the same person without each other. This is the same for loss, addiction and a diagnosis...You will not be the same with or without it....
Step two: The transformation
Gather photos of who you were before the loss, diagnosis, addiction or divorce, and then start to gather pictures of during, and after. We tend to wear worry on our face. During our triumphs, we tend to be in denial but pictures say 1,000 words otherwise.
Start to try to envision what you WANT to look like. Try to envision your face, without the worry, how high you want to hold your shoulders, or even your strides when you walk. This is the Reflection stage and the picture in which you are envisioning is your HOPE.
Step Three: The butterfly effect.
Once you get your strength and confidence, you are able to put what you were envisioning into a plan that works for you. Only you can decide what plan that is. One the other side of depression, is a beautiful effect. You can see through the clouds, you can dance in the rain. Your confidence soars higher then the clouds. You learn to appreciate your loss, your ex, your diagnosis and addiction. Because without them, you would not be the person you are today. Your ability to transform into the butterfly that you are!!!!!
As for me, I am a work in progress. I am holding onto hope everyday. My hope is you can do the same :)
FEEDBACK PLEASE!!!! What is your reflection of hope? or the steps to take for it?
1. Think about someone who is confident and act, talk and walk like him or her. Mirror their behavior. It works for them; it will work for you.
2. Be in charge of your thoughts at all times. If you are thinking negative thoughts, you act like you are thinking negative thoughts. Smile before picking up the phone, and change your thinking to positive more confident approach. Whenever you have a negative thought coming, STOP, THINK and say, " Is this really important in the grand scheme of things?"
3. Learn how to say no to people. Don’t be afraid, if you are like me, you want to please everyone and then you have no one to be there for you. Try to put YOU first, then help others.
4. Be positive. Look on the “can do” side of things rather than the “can’t do”. You’ve accomplished lots in your life and you will accomplish lots more in the future.
5. And finally – You only live once, so any time that you are down just ask yourself in 10 or 20 years time – will what I am worrying about really matter?
If you leave notes for your loved ones they respond more positively and in return will boost your confidence, and live happier days. Dont forget to leave a note for yourself. Remind yourself, you are beautiful, you are smart, and you can achieve any challenge you put out there for yourself!!!!!
Holding onto anger is something we are all guilty of. However, holding onto anger doesn't make the situation any better, it only makes you feel worse. Let it go, because its not about you and them. Let it go, because you will feel better. Let it go because your thoughts are clouded and you are blaming everyone and not seeing through the clouds. Let it go, because you are loved and the stress is just not worth it. Stop and think, if you are both wrong work together to mend the relationship, try to compromise and not hurt other relationships in the progress. You are not wrong for feeling the way you do, just remember you are loved.
I was sitting on my deck yesterday and saw a beautiful tiger swallowtail butterfly. I began to think of the journey this butterfly was on.
The Caterpillar stage, eats and eats to build strength. He tries to stay hidden from the various birds and crows that try to call him lunch. He tries to blend in, pulls a leaf over his head, and eats some more. It is a true struggle being a Caterpillar. Facing fears, inching along, and trying to survive. The Caterpillar stage reminds me of our demons, we try to stay hidden from the crows or dangers of our demons. Sometimes the Caterpillar gives up because the struggle is too much to survive. The goal to any Caterpillar it to gain strength, and security in a cocoon.
The cocoon stage is the safe stage. We have learned to say no. We have learned to cope with our past. We have embraced our future. The cocoon stage is where we need to get to, to embrace hope for a better future. This stage is the longest. It answers all the questions we may have, builds confidence, and even begins to map out what our future looks like. This stage can take all the time they need to figure out what exactly they need to be and where they need to go...
The final stage is the transformation. This is when we have achieved all of our goals. This is the safe place within us that understands our path, our journey. It is filled with inner peace, and reflection. It allows us to soar above the trees to a better greatness. This final stage is knowing who we really are and embracing the journey of where we have been.
Understanding the journey makes the final transformation stage worth living........
5 ways to boost yourself up after loosing confidence
1) talk in the mirror. Tell yourself, if you believe you can achieve. Tell yourself you are beautiful and you are smart. Tell yourself that you can recognize the triggers and walk away. Tell yourself you are too important to not put first. The more you believe it, the more your confidence will build up. You are WORTH IT.
2) Give yourself a healthy gift. Join a gym, get a yogurt smoothie, get a mani pedi. Make yourself feel good by doing something healthy. Go for a walk on beach, have a picnic! These things make you appreciate life!
3) Pay it Forward. Doing good for someone else always makes us feel good! Pay for someones coffee or toll on parkway...:)
4) Get a job. Working helps keep our mind off of things. Get a job, or two and work your butt off. This will make you feel important because someone is relying on you to be responsible.
5) Volunteer at your local non-profit! This will help by giving back to the community.
Surround yourself with positive people and remember to call someone when you feel weak. REMEMBER WHATEVER JOURNEY YOU ARE ON, ADDICTION, GRIEF, DEPRESSION.... If you stay positive, know your triggers, and stay healthy, you are on the road to recovery. Day by day.
We go through our trials and tribulations in life and sometimes it is so hard to put a smile on our faces. I am giving you
5 ways that I stay happy.
1) Learn to say NO!
This is probably the most important. Putting yourself FIRST! Some of you who are selfish by nature this does not apply too. For the rest of us, we tend to be people pleasing, and help everyone but ourselves. What happens is you wear yourself down to the point of no return. You could start to be depressed, have low self esteem, fatigue and stressed. This can lead to high blood pressure and other medical conditions. Learn to say no and you will have more time and energy for you!
2) Surround yourself with positive people.
This is a no brainer. When we surround ourselves with positive people we tend to mimic their actions. We tend to be more confident and less stressed. We tend to be more successful in our everyday life. When people boost us up, we become confident!!!
3) Eat clean.
Eating clean mean nothing fried or processed. Eating clean can give us more energy and make us feel better about ourselves. Getting the right amount of fruits and veggies each day will help with your overall health. Eating low carbs and high protein will help with energy as well.
4) Drinking your water.
Everyone goes by the basis of 8 glasses of 8 ozs a day. I feel this is wrong. You should be drinking one half your body weight in ounces a day. So if you are 120 pounds you should drink 60 ounces, 200 pounds drink 100 ounces. You get the point. This helps with keeping your skin hydrated and it also boosts your metabolism.
5) Keeping organized
Helps with staying happy. Well it does for me! If you are organized in your thoughts and in your home, you will tend to be more organized in everyday living. This will take less time to get ready in morning, less time to clean, less time to run errands, less time to get confused and distracted. If you have a goal, being organized is the first step in reaching that goal. Developing a strategic plan will help ensure your goal is met with the least amount of time..
"Learn to incorporate the past into your present. For example, when my daughter died, I felt so raw with emotion. I decided to stop living in the darkness and incorporate her into my everyday living. This takes time and patience. Do not beat yourself up if this doesn't happen right away, this took me years to understand how, but now she is apart of my everyday, my light, my reflection of hope."
a bereaved father wants to just spend time with loved ones, keep him busy, golf, fishing...
2. Your Patience
a bereaved father needs you to have patience, if he is not feeling up to company or even not sure what he wants to do, he is spiraling.
3. Your Support
a bereaved father needs support. Support to help him with whatever he needs.
4. Your Forgiveness
a bereaved father needs your forgiveness. He may look, feel depressed today. It is ok. He is not whole, a piece of him is missing. Give him a chance. Forgive him if he says or does something that is out of character.
5. For you to Remember
This is the MOST important. Please do not forget, let him know you are here for him, He may seem happy but on the inside he is hurting. Just remembering why today is a tough day would mean the world to him. Mention his baby's name!!!
* Please also remember the dad who lost his FIRST baby. It doesn't matter where your baby lives, you are still a dad.
* Please also remember the friends that lost their dad, grandfather, today is especially hard on them today as well.
#1- When you are faced with what to say when your friends child passes away.....
You CAN say-
"I am so sorry, let me bring you dinner tonight"
"I have no words, I am so sorry, would you like to grab coffee and share your baby with me"
"Do you have pictures or momentos that you would like to share, I would love to see them."
PLEASE DO NOT say-
"It was meant to be" (what you are really saying is, "your child doesn't matter")
"God needed another Angel" (what you are really saying is, "Its ok, that your baby died, and it doesnt matter that YOU needed another baby)
"Thank God, you have other children" (what you are really saying is," this one didn't matter, my rebuttle to this is... ok, so which one of your kids can you live without?)
"Time heals all wounds" ( what your really saying is in time you won't care anymore that your baby died... )(the truth, is in time you learn to live with your child in heaven)
"oh, no, my grandmother died last year, I know how you are feeling" (no one can relate to the loss of a child unless you have lost a child yourself. The death of a baby is the worse death)
#2- When you are faced with a diagnosis or addiction......
You CAN say-
"I am so sorry, help me learn what is best for you"
"Lets do coffee, we can chat and you can get a few things off your chest"
"What are your next steps, How can I help?"
PLEASE DO NOT say-
"oh I am so sorry you were diagnosed with diabetes, wanna go get a pint of ice cream, that always helps me feel better" (People just do not understand that you can't have sugar or limited sugar)
"My uncle died of cancer.... so sad. Sorry about your diagnosis." ( people try to relate and say things that are irrevelent and may tend to hurt you. Your diagnosis is not a death sentence it is a diagnosis and is being treated. Keeping a positive attitude can help a stressful situation)
"Your son will get better, you just need to get 2nd, 3rd opinions...." ( Don't you think that I already did 2nd and 3rd opinions? Please know that no one can parent my child any better then me, TRUST ME)
"Pot is not a gateway drug" (for some it is. period.)
Please just be aware of what you say to someone.... You never know what they are faced with and what challenges they deal with everyday.
To the married couple:
I am so sorry that people are ignorant and don't understand the tragedy of infertility, I understand that everyone always asks... When are you going to have children of your own? or How many kids do you have? I will never make you feel uncomfortable.
To the woman who lost a baby:
You gave birth to a baby, your son/daughter, and I am sorry when mothers day rolls around, people tend to forget that you have a precious baby in heaven. I will never forget you.
To the father that lost a baby:
I am so sorry, people always tend to ask how is your wife, and never ever have asked how you are. I will never forget you.
To the family who lost a baby:
I am so sorry that sometimes the teachers, students, friends, neighbors just do not understand. I promise I will provide a healthy and safe atmosphere for you and allow you to always talk to me when you are having an emotional day or any day..I will always remember.
To the men and woman who were just diagnosed with a disease:
I am so sorry for other people who use you as an excuse to get a better deal, or to have someone take pity on them. Your diagnosis is not a tool for other people to get ahead in life. Your diagnosis is strength, courage, and hope! I am so sorry these people do not understand and offer no value. I will always be here to be a sounding board for you to rid the negative emotions from your soul. You NEED to stay positive for YOU and I will always stay positive when you find it difficult.
To the men and women who are struggling with addiction:
I am sorry for the people who judge you, who do not understand or give you a chance. They do not understand that addiction is just like a diagnosis of a deadly disease but with your positive attitude and the strength to move forward you will beat the disease. I am mostly sorry for the people who don't trust even when you show all effort in remaining clean. I support you and will be here each and every day that you beat this disease!!!!
IF YOU CANNOT IMPROVE ON THE SILENCE THAN DO NOT SAY ANYTHING!!!!!
Seeing my daughters name in the sand, brings me peace. I occasionally go to the beach and write names of our loved ones in the sand. I read their name, close my eyes and reflect for a moment.
I then find a spot, without disturbing where all the nature falls, (rocks, seaweed, shells) and I write their name. I try to have a moment for each person. If you know of someone who has passed, go to the beach, write their name and frame it. Give it to the family of the deceased and it will be a gift that they cherish forever.
7 STEPS TO A Life of Fulfillment
7 Steps to Greater Life Fulfillment
Have you ever asked yourself what it means to be fulfilled? According to the
Wordbook Dictionary, “fulfilled” means to be “completed to perfection.” When you
reach the state of fulfillment, there is literally nothing more you want or could ask for.
You believe you have everything that sustains you physically, emotionally, and
Practice these strategies to increase your feelings of fulfillment:
1. Listen to your internal self. Recognize that how you want your life to be is more
important than anyone else’s ideas, dreams, or advice for your future. What do
you say to yourself? Your thoughts and feelings matter greatly.
2. Find a way to get paid for doing what makes you happy. Because work is
one-third or more of your life, loving your work is integral to living a fulfilled
existence. Refrain from worrying about what others think of your job.
If your career piques your interest, gets you excited, imparts new knowledge,
and builds your self-confidence, you have a winner. In the event you feel you’ve gone a bit stale on your job, ask yourself, what
do you love to do? Work with numbers? Paint a picture? Write children’s
stories? When you think about it, you might be able to develop an income
stream from doing those things.
3. Investigate your options. When a chance to make life-changing decisions
comes your way, how do you handle it? A thorough review of each option will
help you imagine how you’ll be affected if you choose that avenue.
Make it a point to examine options that can open up your life in ways you
have yet to consider. This is your chance to discover how to move closer
toward personal success and a life that is more enriching than you ever
4. If you require more education or training, do it without hesitation. Many let
their age get in the way of additional knowledge-building or say they lack the
time necessary. But if you want fulfillment, it’s important to move forward in
ways that deliver what you really want to achieve in life. So, go ahead and take
that course, training, or skill-building seminar.
5. Choose positivity. Make a conscious decision as soon as you wake up to have a
positive attitude and make today the best day ever.
You get to decide how you’ll handle the disaster of the moment. Will you
lose your edge or carry through to the best resolution possible?
6. Treat others how you’d like to be treated. One of the most challenging things
about life is to realize what goes around comes around. If you consistently look
for the good in others, ignore the less-than-positive in them, and send out
empathy and respect, the rewards you receive back will be great.
7. Find a role model. It can be incredibly life-enhancing to discover an individual
that behaves in ways that you honor and respect. Dream big when it comes to
deciding who you want to be like.
People like Nelson Mandela, Joseph Campbell, the Dalai Lama, or Billy
Graham can provide you with a wonderful personal pathway to follow.
However, maybe your grandfather, Aunt Mary, or a neighbor who has
more love for others than you can imagine also provide beautiful
examples of the person you want to be.
Whatever the case, having an image in your mind of someone you believe
is a fascinating individual provides a direction for you to work toward.
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Applying these methods will help you create a life that pleases you. Your life is an
adventure that you can live with intention, a penchant for discovery, and challenge.
Make each day count, starting now. Your fulfilling life awaits you.
Rule number one in regards to respect, PUT DOWN THE PHONE, TURN OFF THE TV, LOOK THE OTHER PERSON IN THE EYE, and HAVE CONVERSATION.
Rule number two: See rule number one.
Picture this, you child comes in the door so excited to tell you about his/her day at school. You are cutting carrots in the kitchen. What do you do, say hi hun how was your day? (while still cutting carrots) or do you put down everything and listen to how there day was?
I am being honest here, I always multitasked, until I realized I am not giving my 100% to my child.
Picture this one as well, your husband/wife comes home from work and you are on the computer. You barely look up to say hello. Put all electronics down, turn off the football game and have conversation.
My challenge to you this week is to try to do this. I would love to hear feedback and see how you all did. But remember, respect will start the other person on a positive day. Try to change the world with me. It is easy it starts with you!!!!
I reflect every wednesday. I think about the past week. The lives I changed, the conversations I had. I even think about what challenges I faced, what did I do about them and how to make them better next week. What can you do better next week? Think about all the people you come into contact with on any given day. I bet you come into contact with at least 25 people in one day, if not more. That is 25 people that lives could have an "ah ha" moment when they come into contact with you.
You are a good person, you are smart, you have a great personality, you can change 25 lives today. Tell yourself this over and over and before you know it you will be changing the world. The FIRST person who needs to be positive is YOU.
Whatever your struggle, remember I am here to support you. Tomorrow is a new day. Start today, to better yourself, to stop the lies and to move forward in a positive direction. Day by day we will get through, together. I am making a choice, a choice to be here, for you. Please don't loose hope. Don't loose hope in yourself. Don't loose hope in me.
This morning, I was cut off twice while I was trying to get my kids to school. I often wonder what is all the rush about? Why they were nasty to me while I was getting coffee. Everyday we encounter people who don't realize the face they are putting on. We are in a world of negativity, a world of rushing from one thing to the next and a world of schedules. How do WE as a whole change the world? It starts with one person.
I challenge you to a day of paying it forward. It feels good to do a good deed, AND it makes someone smile. So while you are rushing around in the morning, pay for the person behind you at the Duncan Donuts, write a letter to your neighbor just thanking them or do something nice for someone. You can bring someone flowers or send a note. It starts at the individual level. If we can make one person smile, or have a positive thought. We are doing our part in making the world a better place.
MY FIRST CHALLENGE TO YOU...
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When you are suffering from, a death, a diagnosis, a loss of job, low self esteem or weight problems, whatever ails you, your journey must be healthy. For me, I lost my daughter. After learning that we would not be bringing her home from the hospital, I remember a nurse. This nurse knelt down beside my bedside and just listened to me and hugged me. She had no answers, but she had empathy, compassion, and was so comforting. I never remembered her name, or her face. It was a big blur.
I remember another woman, who was a social worker. She stood at the door of the room, and wouldn't get close to me. I always felt she thought she would catch my disease of infant loss. She just stared at me. Never answered my questions, never gave me any support what so ever. She had long brown hair and was medium built. I always thought she sucked at her job. Both of these woman drived me to push out the negative and bring on positive. Three years later, I was in the same hospital giving birth to my rainbow, Phoebe. I was full of angst, hope, nerves.... A roller coaster of emotions ran thru me. Then, a nurse came into my room and asked if it were ok to have another nurse, Amy, come in to say hello. Apparently, this was the nurse that comforted me three years prior. When Amy walked in, her face, name, even the feelings I had, all came flooding back to the surface. What are the chances of having someone who understood me, remembered me, and never once judged me. Today, Amy is a dear friend. I cherish our friendship and I will always be thankful for her putting me on that positive journey. Being a life/grief coach, I will always remember these two women. One for the lack of empathy, and the other full of compassion. My goal is to make sure my clients are on the healthy path. It doesn't matter if they remember my name, what matters is that my words and actions only affected them in a positive way.
As most of you know I am driven by a force so great. My daughter, Madelynn, has taught me so much. The best thing she has taught me is the ability to smile. I smile most when I help others see through their clouds. I love to see others smile and pay it forward. I love to see the HOPE in everyone.
This Memorial day, the sun is shining, gentle breeze in the air. The boys are playing on the computer, daddy is sleeping. My babies and I were snuggled on the couch. We call our lil one Sean-ey-poo. So my 2 year old starting singing, "Sean-ey-poops, dad-dy- poops, mom-my poops..." I was laughing so hard. Phoebe continued to name all of our family, "Sammy-poops, Adam poops," Just when I thought she was done, she thought for a minute and said, "Maddy- poops!!!"
So todays blog is to remind everyone that not only does everyone poop, but my living daughter has recognized that she in fact does have a sister. She has never seen her, never heard her, but somehow she knows she is there. She knows she is protected and she knows that she is loved. So today I sit back and smile and know that Maddy is remembered.
May you all remember your loved ones this Memorial Day too.
When you begin on a positive note, there is nothing but positivity to come back to you. Sometimes you reach a point when you have absolutely NO reason to be positive. I have been there. I have been so clouded with guilt, blame, and anger. I felt so alone, stay in bed all day alone, no bathing, or hygiene concerns, alone. Until one day I realized I was not alone. The clouds began to clear, I can see again. For some it may only be days, but for me, it took 5 years to regain my vision. I see what my purpose is, what my daughter has been trying to tell me.
I decided to listen and take a chance.
Whether you are suffering from a loved one who has past on, a divorce, a job loss, a bad break up, a sickness.... you can use this belief statement to help you move forward to your goal. or you can choose one of your own. Here is mine.
"I MUST BELIEVE IN MYSELF TO ACHIEVE MY WELL DESERVED SUCCESS."
Because I suffer from low self esteem, I am my own worse critic. I set myself up for failure every single time. Since, I have been able to "see" again, I have been working on myself and know ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!
Good luck in all of your challenges each and every day. Remember there is no shame in seeing life through rose colored glasses.
What does "Reflections of Hope" mean to you? To reflect is a focused consintration of someone or something. Hope, is the rainbow after the storm. What is your storm? Job change, divorce, weight loss, health diagnosis, death of a loved one? What clouds you the most? What exactly is your goal or "rainbow?"
To gain clarity, we are forced to answer some difficult questions. Ask yourself," How can I be who I want to be, and what are the steps to get there?"
My storm is more of a end of world disaster. My rainbow seems so far into the future. However, as the clouds clear it seems easier to reach. Each day, week, month, I set a new goal to focus on. I call these focus goals. My focus goal for today is to only put out in the universe what I expect in return. Only positive words or phrases for me today. Enjoy the day friends, it may be raining today but it is sunny in my soul......
The loss of a baby is every parents worse fear. Most of us have no idea it could happen until the doctor slowly turns the monitor away during the ultrasound and says, "I am sorry." Your world comes crashing down and then you and your significant other realize you are alone. You are now either rushed down the hall to deliver your lifeless bundle, or you head to the operating room for emergency c-section. Some of us the doctor even tells us to go home... GO HOME???? Now you are faced with telling others about your horrific loss. Maybe even your other children. How do you begin? You get back to hospital, and now you are delivering all your hopes and dreams to a silent room. A room so silent it is deafening. It is amazing just how loud a silent room can be... Your thoughts scream out,"It's ALL my fault." The photographer comes in, flashes pictures that blind your dream sequence. Hoping to wake up from this nightmare. Funeral home is called and they whisk your baby away. Cremate? Bury? Funeral? I just found out my baby died and now we have to make all these decisions. Wow, and how much does it cost? After the hustle and bustle of the immediate decisions, the world continues. The sun still rises and the sun still sets. Friends and family go back to work, back to their lives. You and your husband are alone. You may run into a few people during your outings at grocery store or post office. "Hows the baby?" "It happened for a reason." "Time will heal all wounds." "Thank God you have other children." The pain associated with loss of a baby never heals, just gets different. As time goes on, your wounds are still open, you just learn to accept that it is NOT your fault, and yes thank God I have other children, however it never replaces the one that died.