The loss of a baby is every parents worse fear. Most of us have no idea it could happen until the doctor slowly turns the monitor away during the ultrasound and says, "I am sorry." Your world comes crashing down and then you and your significant other realize you are alone.
You are now either rushed down the hall to deliver your lifeless bundle, or you head to the operating room for emergency c-section. Some of us the doctor even tells us to go home... GO HOME???? Now you are faced with telling others about your horrific loss. Maybe even your other children. How do you begin? You get back to hospital, and now you are delivering all your hopes and dreams to a silent room. A room so silent it is deafening. It is amazing just how loud a silent room can be... Your thoughts scream out,"It's ALL my fault."
The photographer comes in, flashes pictures that blind your dream sequence. Hoping to wake up from this nightmare. Funeral home is called and they whisk your baby away. Cremate? Bury? Funeral? I just found out my baby died and now we have to make all these decisions. Wow, and how much does it cost?
After the hustle and bustle of the immediate decisions, the world continues. The sun still rises and the sun still sets. Friends and family go back to work, back to their lives. You and your husband are alone. You may run into a few people during your outings at grocery store or post office. "Hows the baby?"
"It happened for a reason." "Time will heal all wounds." "Thank God you have other children."
The pain associated with loss of a baby never heals, just gets different. As time goes on, your wounds are still open, you just learn to accept that it is NOT your fault, and yes thank God I have other children, however it never replaces the one that died.
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