#1- When you are faced with what to say when your friends child passes away.....
You CAN say-
"I am so sorry, let me bring you dinner tonight"
"I have no words, I am so sorry, would you like to grab coffee and share your baby with me"
"Do you have pictures or momentos that you would like to share, I would love to see them."
PLEASE DO NOT say-
"It was meant to be" (what you are really saying is, "your child doesn't matter")
"God needed another Angel" (what you are really saying is, "Its ok, that your baby died, and it doesnt matter that YOU needed another baby)
"Thank God, you have other children" (what you are really saying is," this one didn't matter, my rebuttle to this is... ok, so which one of your kids can you live without?)
"Time heals all wounds" ( what your really saying is in time you won't care anymore that your baby died... )(the truth, is in time you learn to live with your child in heaven)
"oh, no, my grandmother died last year, I know how you are feeling" (no one can relate to the loss of a child unless you have lost a child yourself. The death of a baby is the worse death)
#2- When you are faced with a diagnosis or addiction......
You CAN say-
"I am so sorry, help me learn what is best for you"
"Lets do coffee, we can chat and you can get a few things off your chest"
"What are your next steps, How can I help?"
PLEASE DO NOT say-
"oh I am so sorry you were diagnosed with diabetes, wanna go get a pint of ice cream, that always helps me feel better" (People just do not understand that you can't have sugar or limited sugar)
"My uncle died of cancer.... so sad. Sorry about your diagnosis." ( people try to relate and say things that are irrevelent and may tend to hurt you. Your diagnosis is not a death sentence it is a diagnosis and is being treated. Keeping a positive attitude can help a stressful situation)
"Your son will get better, you just need to get 2nd, 3rd opinions...." ( Don't you think that I already did 2nd and 3rd opinions? Please know that no one can parent my child any better then me, TRUST ME)
"Pot is not a gateway drug" (for some it is. period.)
Please just be aware of what you say to someone.... You never know what they are faced with and what challenges they deal with everyday.
To the married couple:
I am so sorry that people are ignorant and don't understand the tragedy of infertility, I understand that everyone always asks... When are you going to have children of your own? or How many kids do you have? I will never make you feel uncomfortable.
To the woman who lost a baby:
You gave birth to a baby, your son/daughter, and I am sorry when mothers day rolls around, people tend to forget that you have a precious baby in heaven. I will never forget you.
To the father that lost a baby:
I am so sorry, people always tend to ask how is your wife, and never ever have asked how you are. I will never forget you.
To the family who lost a baby:
I am so sorry that sometimes the teachers, students, friends, neighbors just do not understand. I promise I will provide a healthy and safe atmosphere for you and allow you to always talk to me when you are having an emotional day or any day..I will always remember.
To the men and woman who were just diagnosed with a disease:
I am so sorry for other people who use you as an excuse to get a better deal, or to have someone take pity on them. Your diagnosis is not a tool for other people to get ahead in life. Your diagnosis is strength, courage, and hope! I am so sorry these people do not understand and offer no value. I will always be here to be a sounding board for you to rid the negative emotions from your soul. You NEED to stay positive for YOU and I will always stay positive when you find it difficult.
To the men and women who are struggling with addiction:
I am sorry for the people who judge you, who do not understand or give you a chance. They do not understand that addiction is just like a diagnosis of a deadly disease but with your positive attitude and the strength to move forward you will beat the disease. I am mostly sorry for the people who don't trust even when you show all effort in remaining clean. I support you and will be here each and every day that you beat this disease!!!!
IF YOU CANNOT IMPROVE ON THE SILENCE THAN DO NOT SAY ANYTHING!!!!!
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