10 things that MAY happen when suffering a tragedy
1. People will start to avoid you. You appear to be contagious and people try to not catch the disease of tragedy. You may feel secluded.
2. The people who do not avoid you, will without a doubt say the stupidest things. "It was meant to be." "Everything happens for a reason." "They are in a better place now." Really? are these really helpful when someone is grieving? How about, "oh you can always marry again" or " Your young you can try again" "God has another angel." I will write a book to the other people who are friends, co-workers or neighbors of a person who is grieving. A guide for how to react in tragedy.
3. People will talk about the most insensitive topics. When getting a divorce...., "Oh thats not so bad, my brothers, friends, cousins, uncle, who works at 31 flavors is getting a divorce and they have it really bad, its word that HE stole ALL the money" OR "I am so sorry you have cancer, you know I have an aunt who just died of cancer!" REALLY??? where is the hope there? OR "you lost a child? I know exactly how you feel, my grandmother just died." These are just not helpful when trying to be positive.
4. You may lose friends. People may not be supportive or patient with your "one day at a time" motto. You will learn that the people who were left behind, are not meant to be in your life.
5. You may join a support group of peers who know and understand how you feel. This support group will re-energize you and make you feel like you are indeed NOT losing your mind.
6. In this support group, you will start to befriend people who share similar stories and can relate to you. You feel like you do not have a disease and if you do have a disease, you feel like you can manage it much better with support.
7. You will begin to understand the people who you have decided to include themselves on this journey. You will realize, these people were given to you and they are nothing short of a blessing.
8. You will realize the clouds begin to clear and you may be half way out of the storm.
9. You can smile and joke around. I remember one time I was at a party and the dreadful topic of pregnancy came up. All unicorns and happy thoughts and then they asked me, " what's your story, how many kids do you have, was the pregnancy ok? did you have morning sickness?" I replied, "well my pregnancies were horrible, it took me several years to have my first child, my second has a blood disease and my third died." <PAUSE> the look on everyones place was hysterical. I hate to be insensitive however, I will never ask someone how many kids do you have? I know too many people that would of been fantastic parents and suffer from infertility. I know too many people who lost their first child, and guess what, in my eyes, they are parents, however to the public eye they do not see their baby and have absolutely no idea that they truly are parents. I know too many people that lost their baby and having living children at home. Those people get crucified because "at least they have children at home," however how do you answer how many? So you see, sometimes when I feel like being mischievious, I throw out the sucker punch. Not because I am insensitive, but because, you should never ask how many and assume they do.
10. YOU WILL GAIN FAMILY! Your support group will in turn end up to be an extended family of friends that will always be there for you. Your journey will be forever and so much better with your family to support you through it every step of the way.
